


Love from, The Universe

by Khoshekh42



Series: Brotzly baby [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: DGHDA Valentine's Mini Bang, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Slash, Soul-preg?, not mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 17:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17812391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khoshekh42/pseuds/Khoshekh42
Summary: When Dirk receives a letter from the Universe itself telling him that he has to have a biological child (an interesting feat for a gay man), he and Todd go on an adventure trying to get Dirk his baby.I'm pangolinwithproblems on tumblr!





	Love from, The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> http://alittlefellowinawideworld.tumblr.com/post/182848713630/this-is-the-art-i-did-for-pangolinwithproblems
> 
> Art from the wonderful alittlefellowinawideworld on tumblr!!

Love from, The Universe

Dirk loved the new office that he’d bought. He loved everything about it, from the wooden plaque that they’d hung on the wall, to the house plant that he’d bought from a man that Dirk had helped out once with his missing goats, all the way to the way that Todd reclined in the swivel chair with his eyes closed, strumming an imaginary guitar whenever they didn’t have anything else to do. Which, even Dirk had to admit, was rather often.

 

It was a Friday evening, Dirk was alone in the office, Todd having gone out for drinks with Amanda, apologetically telling Dirk that he’d rather go alone to spend some time with his sister. Dirk understood of course, but that didn’t alleviate the boredom that inevitably crept over him like the last rays of the afternoon sunlight creeping back over the horizon.

 

A sound caught his attention, something at the door, not quite a knock, but a shifting. Quiet enough that Dirk could have convinced himself that he was just hearing things. But, curiosity getting the better of him, he walked over and opened the door. A letter fell from the doorknob on the opposite side.

 

_ Dirk Gently _

 

The lettering on the envelope made it difficult for Dirk to determine whether it was masculine or feminine.

 

He flipped it around, but there was no stamp, nor an address. Dirk glanced out the open door, but there was no one in sight, just as it had been when he’d first opened it.

 

Dirk shrugged, closed the door, and opened the envelope.

  
  


_ Dearest Dirk, _

 

_ Your progress as a holistic detective has been astounding. The addition of an assistant was a fantastic idea, as it has helped you with your intrinsic job of solving the unsolvable cases of the world. _

 

_ However, your job as holistic detective is an important one that needs to continue on beyond your capabilities. You need to pass down your skills. To do this, you are required to produce a biological child by this date (December 3 _ _ rd _ _ , 2017) two years from now. Failure to do so may result in catastrophic events that are unable to be explained in a simple letter. The future of holistic activities, and the future of the life of a young woman named Julia Evans (so far unborn), as well as countless other lives, depends on you having a biological child to pass your holisticity down to. _

 

_ You are thanked for your compliance. _

 

_ Love from, _

_ The Universe _

 

Dirk had a very strong hunch that this letter, despite being odd, slightly terrifying, and somewhat crazy, was telling the truth.

 

That didn’t make its message any less disturbing. A child? A biological child, too, which meant… 

 

Well, Dirk didn’t really want to think about the implications of  _ that _ . So he put the letter in the top left drawer of his desk, and out of his mind.

 

Exactly 1 year 2 months and 12 days after Dirk received his letter

 

Dirk heard Todd’s voice calling to him from the other room from where he was in the meeting area of their office. They’d rearranged slightly so that there was a small room in which to meet with potential clients.

 

“Where did you put the locket?”

 

They’d been retrieving a locket for a woman, which had belonged to her grandmother.

 

“It’s in my desk, should be in the top left drawer.”

 

A long minute passed before Todd came back into the room holding the locket. He carried a strange look on his face, but Dirk ignored it in favor of looking back towards the woman that was getting the locket.

 

“Thank you so much Mr. Gently.” She told him, happy tears shining in her eyes.

 

“It was my pleasure.”

 

They wrapped up the meeting, she paid them, and soon she’d left while talking on the phone with her sister.

 

“Hey, uh… Dirk?” Todd asked, and Dirk was reminded of the odd expression that he had.

 

“Yes, what’s wrong?”

 

Todd walked to Dirk’s desk and grabbed a folded sheet of paper from the top of it. “I was looking for the locket, and, well, I didn’t mean to snoop, but…” He began reading from the paper, “’To do this, you are required to produce a biological child by this date two years from now.’ I mean, what the hell?”

 

Dirk’s face paled. He grabbed the paper from Todd’s hand. He’d completely forgotten about it.

 

“Damn. I knew there was something I was needing to remember.”

 

“So… it’s not just bullshit then? It’s actually… from the universe?”

 

“Well that’s certainly what it seemed like when it was delivered, you know, hunch and all.”

 

“So you actually need to… have a kid?” Todd seemed skeptical, and more than a little freaked out.

 

“I suppose.” Dirk’s lip curled. “I mean, it’s not like I really  _ want _ to. It seemed more than a little rude to hijack a woman’s body just for…” He made a vague gesture with his hands that might have been supposed to indicate a child, not that Dirk himself really knew.

 

“And of course there’s the whole issue of this hypothetical woman being, well, a  _ woman _ .” Dirk mused. “Stupid universe telling a gay man to have a biological child.”

 

“You… you know that the deadline is ten months from now, right?”

 

“Shit. I suppose it is.”

 

“So, what’s the plan, ‘cause you’ve got less than a month to… you know.” If Todd’s blush was anything to go by, he was just as uncomfortable with talking about this as Dirk was.

 

Dirk shrugged. “Ad in the paper?”

 

Todd snorted. “What’s that supposed to say ‘Wanted: Woman to have gay holistic detective’s baby, needed inside the month’.”

 

“I suppose not.”

  
  


The door to the office opened, startling them both. Amanda walked in. Dirk had completely forgotten that they were all supposed to go out for lunch.

 

“What’s up bitches?” Amanda flashed a grin at them, before her eyebrows furrowed. “No seriously, what’s up? You both look like you’ve been told your kitten died.”

 

Dirk just passed her the letter. No sense in ignoring the issue now.

 

Todd and Dirk sat silently thinking while Amanda read through it.

 

“This sounds like BS, dude.”

 

“Dirk says he thinks it isn’t.” Todd said, cheek rested on his palm in contemplation.

 

“So… you got a girlfriend no one knows about?”

 

“No.” Dirk scoffed, while Todd just muttered: “He’s too gay for that.”

 

“Yeah, well that’s what I figured, but still had to ask.” She sat down in one of the spare chairs, scooting up to sit beside Todd’s desk.

“So lemme just get a hold of the situation.” She said, “The literal universe is telling you to have a baby, and it has to be biologically related to you, but you’re too gay to actually have sex with a woman to produce said baby. Meanwhile you have a month to solve the issue, because you have ten months until the deadline that the universe has set for you.”

 

Red began to crawl its way up both Dirk and Todd’s faces, but Dirk nodded. “I think you’ve summed it up pretty well.” His voice was bitter.

 

Two hours later found them sitting in their same chairs, thinking about how to solve the problem the universe had laid out for them.

 

“Would you want a girl or a boy?” Todd mused, so tired of thinking about babies, but too tired to focus on anything else.

 

“That’s it!” Dirk leapt to his feet, grabbing Todd at the shoulders. “The Boy! Francis!”

 

“I’m confused, how is Francis supposed to help us?”

 

“Magic, Todd,” Dirk said it as if it were supposed to be obvious. “The boy has the power to  _ create _ . To create  _ life. _ ”

 

At this, Todd slowly stood to look at Dirk directly, “You really think that’ll work?”

 

“Well it’s certainly better than the alternative.”

 

Todd reached across Amanda to grab his coat. “Well then, we should go! Bergsberg it is!”

 

Amanda stood up as well, “Can the Rowdies and I come along? It’s been forever since I’ve seen Wakti, and I’d love to see her again.”

 

Dirk groaned at the mention of the Rowdy 3. “Fine. But no one mentions why we’re really going to them.” Despite not even having the baby yet, Dirk was already oddly protective of them. He didn’t want them to ever go through having their emotions sucked out by any of the Rowdies.

“We’ll go ahead and start packing, we’ll meet you and the Rowdies at Bergsberg, how about that?”

 

“Sound good, have fun with him driving!” She jabbed her thumb over at Dirk, who scoffed at the implication that his driving was unsafe.

 

Todd laughed, glancing over at Dirk with a grin. “Yeah, I’ll try to get us there alive.”

They met back up a couple hours later at their offices to get into Dirk’s new bright yellow convertible, and head out for the nearly seven hour drive to Bergsberg, Montana.

 

The drive was pretty tense, Todd had no idea what he was to say to Dirk. Was he supposed to congratulate him? Was he supposed to feel bad for him? Todd was stuck in a fantasy version of that awkward time where you don’t know whether to be excited or devastated for your pregnant friends.

 

Well into hour three, after almost thirty minutes of listening to the fading radio, Todd slammed his palm on the button to turn it off.

 

Dirk looked over at him, confused at the harshness of the motion.

 

“It’s just…” Todd sighed, he supposed that he was going to have to confront this eventually. “Do you even want this? I mean, is the universe making you ‘produce a biological child’ without your consent? Cause that’s really shitty.”

 

Dirk considered his words, before shrugging vaguely. “I mean, it’s not like having the universe order me around is new to me. It’s just a natural part of my life at this point. And if the universe says that I’m ready, then I must be ready.”

 

“Yes, but that’s not what I asked!” Todd was getting a little frustrated. “Do you  _ want _ a baby? Have you ever even  _ thought  _ about having kids?”

 

Dirk was silent for a moment, turning the idea over in his mind. “If the right person were helping me, then sure, I could see myself with children. Kids have always seemed to like me a lot, and I like them. They understand me. Sure, it’s a little earlier than I would have liked, but if the universe has put me on a schedule, then I’m going to have to stick to it. The fact that it’s contacted me directly tells me that this is extra important, and that I should definitely listen. It’s really not up to me, but if you’re asking, then by all means, kids wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

 

Todd nodded along, but something in his chest was seizing. It’s not like he was  _ jealous  _ of this baby, but something about it made his stomach turn.

 

It wasn’t until hour five of their trip that Todd figured it out.

 

He realized that if Dirk were to have a baby, he’d spend more time with the baby than with Todd. So maybe he was jealous. He hadn’t felt this amount of selfishness in a long time, and feeling it now was making Todd feel even worse.

 

Dirk was basically his only friend. Todd imagined a whole scenario where Dirk got his baby, started taking care of said baby, then having no time to spend with Todd, to work cases. Todd understood, logically that this was necessary. The universe so rarely contacted Dirk so directly, and if it was doing so now… Something big was going to happen. Something Dirk wouldn’t be able to solve on his own. However, Todd’s emotions were getting the better of him, and he was fidgeting nervously as he watched Dirk drive.

 

By the beginning of hour seven, Todd was practically seething. Not at Dirk obviously, there wasn’t anything he could do about any of this.Todd wasn’t even angry at the baby, it wasn’t their fault in the slightest. He was more angry at himself. He hated that he was so jealous. He hated that he was so selfish.

 

He hated this part of him, this part that hadn't quite ever gone away. He knew how selfish he'd been in college- what with all the lying and the stealing. But he'd always thought that he'd gotten better.

 

Perhaps that was all just a stupid fantasy. Perhaps he was selfish at heart. Perhaps this whole baby thing, and Dirk not being able to spend time with Todd, was better for Dirk. Definitely better for Dirk, who didn't deserve any of this shit from Todd.

 

Todd sighed, looking out the window of the car, feeling trapped all of a sudden, confined, and more than a little unloved.

 

Not that anyone but him was to blame for that.

 

"Are you quite alright, Todd?" Dirk's voice broke him from his stupor.

 

"What? Oh, yeah. Just... Tired of being in the car I guess." 

 

Dirk nodded. "I agree. Nervous too, I suppose." 

 

"That's understandable, you're going to be a father." Todd tried to keep any rueful tones out of his voice. 

 

There was a long pause from Dirk, as if he were considering every possibility of what he might say.

 

"You know, Todd... Is this okay with you?"

 

"Yeah, course." There he went with the lying again.

 

A pause and a sigh from Todd later, "It's just... I dunno. It's stupid. I'll be fine."

 

"It okay be be uncomfortable with this." Dirk said, facing Todd instead of the road ahead of him.

 

"But it isn't my decision. It doesn't get to be up to me. This is going to happen whether I like it or not." Now Todd wasn't even trying to hide his bitterness.

 

"That doesn't mean that you can't talk about it. Tell me what's wrong, and maybe I'll be able to help."

 

Todd considered it. Finally, he turned to face the setting sun out of his window, and said quietly, "I just feel abandoned. Like we aren't going to be able to hang out, or solve cases anymore. Like I said, it's stupid." He added as an afterthought. 

 

"That's not stupid, Todd. I mean, obviously it's not true, but it isn't just stupid. Things will change, but the universe isn't going to just let me take an eighteen year break from solving cases. Something will turn up so that I'll still be able to spend time with you, solve cases, and take care of this child that I'll have." The way Dirk spoke was so matter-of-fact that it actually did help a little.

 

“Thank you.” Todd said quietly, after a moment of sitting awkwardly.

 

And Dirk gave him the sweetest smile. One that just destroyed Todd from the inside. 

 

The moment dissolved when Dirk launched into a story about a man who had been accused of murdering his father- government conspiracy included.

 

Dirk was just finishing the courtroom scene when they passed the sign for Bergsberg. They’d agreed to stop by to “get permission” from the local police to go into the Cardenas house, but it was really just an excuse to see Tina and Hobbs.

 

When Dirk stopped the car that was sure to attract attention at the station, he hesitated to get out, drumming his fingers nervously on the steering wheel.

 

Todd almost didn’t notice it with how worried he was about his own problems (which didn’t make him feel better in the  _ slightest _ ). But he finally did see, and stopped in his tracks. 

 

“What’s wrong, Dirk?”

 

Dirk deflated, a far away look coming to his eyes. “What if I’m a terrible father? What if my own child ends up hating me?”

“You’re not going to be a terrible father!” Todd insisted, feeling a strong sense of protectiveness.

“How do you know that? I never even knew my dad, he left when I was two for god’s sake! I don’t know what they’re supposed to do, let alone how to do it myself.”

Todd hesitated, sighed, and took a leap of faith. “I knew my dad.” Every implication, every promise he was making with it, weighed heavily with his words. ‘I’ll help you’ he meant, ‘I’ll be there with you every second of the way’ he meant, ‘I promise I’ll never abandon you like your father did’ he meant.

And it seemed that Dirk picked up on every single one of them.

“Thank you.” Dirk muttered, staring down at the cupholder that was overflowing with old fast food receipts.

“Any time.” And Todd meant it.

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

The Bergsberg police station was just as they’d remembered it. Small, cluttered, and with just a slight tinge of the smell of booze. Todd couldn't help but wonder how anything got done around the place, what with half of their officers regularly drinking on the job. Then again, not much happened in Bergsberg, and if just driving through it was any way to tell, the city seemed to have hunkered down and became even more boring ever since the Wendimoor incident. 

 

“Hello?” Dirk called out, an attempt to see if Tina was just asleep under her desk again. 

 

A noise from the other side of the office door. Sherlock practically fell out of the office, eager to help with whatever problem one of the citizens might have.

 

If possible, his face lit up even further. “Hey! It's a surprise to see you out here!”

 

“Well, we have a formal-ish request for the Bergsberg Police Department.” Dirk told him, knowing how thrilled Hobbs would be to actually be able to do something in his capacity as a Bergsberg officer. 

 

“You don’t know how happy that makes me, you guys. It’s been dead here since you wrapped up the Cardenas case. I don't think these people really like things of an unusual nature. They seem to be trying to actively be as normal as they can be.” Hobbs mused, “Not that a low crime rate is bad, of course! It's just…”

 

“Boring?” Todd provided sympathetically. He knew what that was like, with the long stretches of no cases (or at least, no important cases. Dirk always had his share of missing pets, cheating spouses, and petty theft to pay the bills.) The wait between the good cases were a blessing and a curse. 

 

“Well I don't want to say that…” Hobbs trailed off, shook his head to clear it, and turned to look at Dirk. “What’s your ‘formal-ish' request?”

 

“We need to go to the Cardenas house. To get to Wendimoor. I've got some… things to do there.” Dirk said, deciding to be as vague as he could, not quite ready to announce to the world that he was going to be a father. (Especially because the concept was still a foreign one to Dirk himself.)

 

Hobbs sank a little, realizing that he wouldn't be able to go through the official channels for this, but he kept a smile on his face. “Is this more of your holistic work?”

 

“Er… sort of. It is a bit sensitive, so I'd appreciate if you kept it quiet.” Dirk tried to keep the blush from creeping up his face, but he knew he was failing spectacularly. 

 

Hobbs looked confused, but kept his mouth shut. He nodded, and motioned with his hand. “Well, I give you  _ informal  _ police permission to investigate the Cardenas house.” He smiles at both of them. “Good luck with whatever it is that you’re doing!” 

 

They nodded, thanked Hobbs, and headed on their way.

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Soon enough they found themselves standing in Francis’s old bedroom, neither of them wanting to be the first to ask if they were ready. Neither were.

 

But all in a blur, they just… decided. They went through the motions, and found themselves falling out of the water in the throne room of the forest. Though now the room was cleaned up, and appeared to have more of a feel of a nice cozy living room, rather than an abandoned cave.

 

There were plush couches, and storage for little bits and ends, in every colors than even Dirk could imagine. The throne had been cleaned, now grandiose and beautiful.

 

“Do you think this is where Francis stays?” Todd asked, looking around. “Also, we should probably go find Amanda and the Rowdies with Wakti and the Bofuki Nepoo.”

 

“I… I think Beast might live here. I mean, there’s a whole drawer here full of sticks.” Dirk stepped aside to show Todd what was indeed a drawer stuffed full of nothing but sticks.

 

“As much as I’d love to see you two interact again, I think we should probably just find Francis.” Todd suggested.

 

Just as soon as the words left his mouth, there was a voice behind Todd. “You needed me?” Both Todd and Dirk jumped, spinning to see Francis staring at them with the kind of curiosity that only children have.

 

Dirk launched right into it, as if he didn’t find it odd at all that Francis could have heard them from wherever he’d been before. Which, he probably didn’t. 

 

When Todd tuned back in, Dirk was finishing up his story by telling Francis how he didn’t want to have sex with a woman. Todd panicked and stepped on Dirk’s shoe, desperately trying to get him to stop talking about sex with the child. 

 

Francis laughed. “So you want a child?”

 

Dirk nodded, now more nervous than ever.

 

“Who will be the other parent?”

 

This threw both Dirk and Todd for a loop, not having expected this.

 

“The… other parent.” Todd not-quite asked.

 

“There has to be some genetic diversity.” Dirk muttered under his breath, “Stupid Dirk, not realizing that magic would still have to follow some rules of simple biology.”

 

“I will.” 

 

Dirk suddenly stopped his mumbling to look at Todd, amazed.

 

“I mean- If- if that’s okay with you,” Todd suddenly backtracked, “If it’s not-”

 

“Todd of course it’s okay! You’re probably going to end up doing just as much as I will, it only makes sense. Not like I know any other men- or even women- that I like and trust enough to  _ have a child with _ .”

 

“Oh.” Part of Todd had just been expecting Dirk to shut him down immediately.

 

“Then are you ready?” Francis asked kindly?

 

Neither were, but they both nodded nonetheless.

 

“This might pinch a little.” He warned them.

 

And then, with a swish of his hand, and a surprisingly strong pinch at what felt like their innards, there was a blinding light in front of them.

 

As the light started to fade, they heard a baby’s gurgling. It faded more, and they saw in front of them a bassinet with a sweet looking baby all swaddled up in a purple blanket.

 

Francis smiled at the baby for a moment, before turning to look at Todd and Dirk, who hadn’t taken their eyes off of the baby since they had first been able to look. 

 

“You have a girl.”

 

Dirk had already started to cry, but at Francis’s words, Todd let a happy sob escape.

 

“What are you going to name her?” Todd asked, still not taking his eyes off the baby.

 

“That’s not entirely up to me… Though I do have a preference.” 

 

“How about you give her a first name, I’ll choose a middle name.” Todd suggested

 

“Mira. It was my mother’s name.”

 

Todd grinned. “Amanda.” He gave no other explanation, and no other explanation was needed.

 

“Mira Amanda. Beautiful.”

 

“Would you like to hold her?” Francis offered.

 

Dirk immediately reached out, and picked up his baby out of the bassinet. Mira babbled happily.

 

Everything seemed to fall into place for Todd as he watched Dirk hold their child, the entire universe seemed to finally become clear. All was well.


End file.
